Episode 13 - the Cat Who Knew a Cardinal

Qwill gets his first big role as drama critic for the Theatre Club's production of Henry VIII - the production is great, but the director's a mysterious pill and soon he's found murdered in Qwill's orchard!  Despite some horsey distractions from Lockmaster, Qwill sets out to discover who killed Pickaxe's mystery man.

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Oh this book - it's probably one of my favorites if the condition of my original copy is anything to go by (it's falling apart). Between the grandeur of the theatre, the horse racing, and the splendor of the octagonal apply barn, it's just a fun read. The mystery is a little secondary to the world of Moose County, and I am a little sad that we don't learn more about Van Brook's seedy side.

Polly - she’s attempting to convert Qwill to Birdwatching...He buys a bird guide because it’s vintage with 200 color plates and only a dollar.  I don’t think she’s winning this one. 

She should however have taken Qwill to task for his heaving breathing for Fran Brodie as Anne Boleyn in her coronation scene. Her jealousy is repeated in this book over the young woman in the theatre club as Qwill thinks on what he misses about theatre - I’m pleased to say that young women didn’t actually feature in his list.  Polly also breaks a date with Qwill to have brunch at the Palomino Paddock in Lockmaster after a wedding, something that if he did it to her, she would be FURIOUS.  Qwill is just irked.  She tops this rudeness off by calling to tell him not to call her late that night since she’s going to bed early.  Qwill gets jealous when he hears how much she enjoyed her time at the wedding and brunch, and overhears a decidedly warm conversation with a mystery person. This relationship is seriously unhealthy, although it seems to be mutual abuse. After he tortures her about knowing that she was flirting with Steve O’Hare, they have the “what are we going to do about us/what do you want to do?” conversation, but it’s not completed. 

This is the first named mention of Polly’s Librarian friend in Lockmaster - her name is Shirley, it was her son’s wedding and she is responsible for breeding the furry hollow leg demon cat currently known as Bootsie. 

Derek Cuttlebrink speaks!! He’s still bussing at the Old Stone Mill, and enjoys playing multiple roles in the theatre club - he had briefly mentioned wanting to be a cop, but now he wants to be an actor. 

We are reminded that Qwill is a baseball fan in this book (Cubs fan) - and that Polly is not.  When he complains to Carol Lanspeak about missing major league games for 4 years, she reminds him that Larry would happily fly him down and she and Polly could go shopping, but Polly doesn’t like that either. (at least that’s Qwill’s guess since her wardrobe doesn’t interest him apparently?) 

VanBrook loses points on many fronts, but particularly by dismissing the beloved Pennsylvania German Schrank as a reworked austrian piece.  Snot. Qwill correctly wishes that Iris was still around to set him straight, but she’d probably just fawn over him and try to feed him. He did, however, add Shakespeare to the High school curriculum, although that benefit is cancelled by his love of self-aggrandizing meetings, per Roger.

Good News!  Mildred Hanstable is finally free!!! Her rotten smelly husband has finally died in prison! Also Fran Brodie has moved out from her parents to live single!! (Her father is not pleased).

Poor Hixie - she’s the only person who can get in a two car accident with no other car in sight. And her brilliant idea of the Tipsy Look-aLike contest runs in to a snag. Apparently, there is some debate on Tipsy’s original coloring  - The portrait depicts her as white with a black hat patch and feet, but historical records and photographs show a cat with the hat patch but white feet!  Apparently a woman now in the senior care facility confessed to painting the black feet to give the painting more oomph. Hixie tries to recover by offering two prizes, but this all ends about as well as you’d expect, trying to judge 50 uncooperative cats. Qwill, Mildred and Lyle have to escape from under a table from the hordes of cats and their admirers. 

Qwill’s culinary skills are under a lot of attack - he can’t cook unless it’s for the cats and his coffee is considered deadly. 

WPKX apparently has a new announcer with a very strange style -reading everything up until the end of...the sentence. Which makes Qwill want to punch him in… the teeth.

No one, except for Qwill, manages to pronounce Dennis’s last name correctly.  It’s Hough, pronounced Huff (He gets Hoo, Hoe, Huck, so on and so forth).

Theatre notes - 

They brilliantly managed the high school kids by bussing them to the theatre just before their entrances and taking them away right after.  Smart!

LJB even wades into the “Who Wrote Shakespeare debate” when someone on the play reading committee declares that Henry VIII reads like it’s written by a committee!  She likes to jump in here and has several characters defend their favorite positions (Polly thinks a woman was Shakespeare). 

There’s lots of mentions of the rivalry between Moose and Lockmaster Counties - and VanBrook came from Lockmaster, but if you’re wondering if they’re sad to lose him, Bushy puts it best, “They were afraid he’d get tired of Pickaxe and they’d have to take him back!”

Sign of the times - The answering machines, Qwill’s pocket tape recorder, actually picking up his mail at the post office when his mailbox gets smashed.   Derek and his new girlfriend go roller skating...Kip MacDiarmid tells Qwill that Steve harassed/groped Moira at a new years eve party and she was pissed (understandably).  Kip however keeps saying “it wasn’t serious.  He was Drunk.  He Likes his Liquor and he likes women.”  Yeah Kip, that’s not an excuse for harassing or groping someone

Qwill is such a nerd - in the middle of investigating the VanBrook estate, he stops to compare Dickens and Macaulay (Thomas Babbington Macaulay) to see who uses more consonants and who uses more vowels.  Apparently a typesetting historian claimed that Dickens used more vowels while Macauley uses the consonants, but Qwill finds the opposite.  

How Koko solves the mystery - Using the vintage printing blocks. 

As a side effect of Koko knocking off the rabbit cutting, Qwill decides to get a rabbit for them - and there’s a slight discrepancy in the size.  It’s described as roughly as long as a baseball bat, resembling a concealed shotgun as Qwill wanders through Pickaxe and tortures Polly at the library, and then goes home and “tosses it in the freezer”.  Unless he has a GIANT deep freezer, which it does not sound like, I’m not sure how he’s throwing a whole frozen rabbit in his freezer.

Cats will be Cats - Bootsie is considered to have a hollow leg.  So much feeding of this poor little kitten. But Qwill can at least feed, water and brush the kitten without getting bloodied.  Qwill is at one point grateful that Koko is staring at VanBrook’s hair piece, since he’s worried that Yum Yum (now noted as Yum Yum the Paw)  would steal it and hide it in her commode.  Bushy comes to shoot the barn for insurance purposes and in contrast to the cats refusal to be photographed when Qwill brought them to Bushy’s studio, they insist on being in every shot!  At the Bushlands, they share a bed with Qwill, and have a cat’s instincts for the center of the bed, even if Qwill is currently occupying it. And at the suggestion of Lori Bamba, Qwill tries to entertain the cats with Bubbles - they are unimpressed and Lori is quickly losing her rep as a cat whisperer.